Crazily Ever After
by Constellations101
Summary: A fairytale never had such a crazy ending as one in the world of Naruto. AU


**_ Crazily Ever After_**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of the fairytales mentioned in this story or Hershey's kisses.**

Sakura is pacing her spacious room, waiting for her knight in shining armour. She could just imagine his obsidian black eyes scorching her very soul. His jet-black hair swaying in the darkness of the night while it gave off a bluish tinge that shone like lightning. Like the cry of a thousand birds. Sasuke was his name. The Sasuke. The very man of her fantasies. How she longs for him to come and rescue her from her nightmare so that they could share the dreams of happy couples; for him and her to ride off into the sunset sharing Hershey's kisses.

'Hello! Does someone live here?'

Sakura looked down from her window and saw the man she had been fanticizing about since her imprisonment. Which was since she was born. Call it woman's intuition that she had known Sasuke was going to be the one from the very first breath she had taken. So she did what any sane woman would do in her situation and flung her long bubble-gum pink hair out the window so that he could climb it.

However, Sasuke just looked at the curtain of hair in befuddlement. 'What am I supposed to do with this,' he yelled.

Sakura slapped her head in irritation. Her future husband was a bit dense. Just a tad bit. 'You're supposed to climb my hair,' she yelled back.

'Why?'

'Aren't you the prince who will rescue me?'

'No, I came asking for directions.' Sauke was tired of the yelling match that was taking place on the battlefield. His throat was hurting.

'Why?'

'I need to find the woman who will fit this glass shoe and marry her.'

'You idiot! Aren't me and my hair good enough for you? And isn't it supposed to be a glass slipper? And who are you getting married to?' Sakura was screeching in such a way that if a choir banshees were to hear, they would be put to shame.

'I don't know...' Sakura didn't let him finish.

'You're marrying Ino. Ino-pig. Your'e marrying her. How dare you, you big, fat, lousy cheater! We're over. Do you understand! Over!' And with that Sakura stormed to the other side of the room.

Sasuke stared at the window in befuddlement. Women were so confusing. Thus, instead of dwelling on the absurdity of women, he continued on with his noble quest of finding the owner of the glass shoe. Not glass slipper. Glass shoe. This way he could marry her and get his father off his back.

Hopefully, he would be lucky enough to postpone the 'And they lived happily ever after' part with the 'Till death do us apart' part. And then he would be content with the 'And they lived happily ever after.' Just him and his fairies.

Sakura was gazing forlornly out the window. Her heart had just been broken in a thousand pieces. It would never be mended.

Sakura used to have nightmares of escaping the dragon that guarded her window. She would escape the dragon without her hero. What worse tragedy could befall a princess than the one where the beautiful and lonely princess has to rescue herself from the clutches of the evil witch. So they had to replace the dragon with a guard who was too immersed in his porn-books to notice the world around him. Kakashi was his name.

But now she would have even worse nightmares. She would now have nightmares of her arch-enemy and her life-long love riding off into the sunset, holding hands and sharing Hershey's Kisses. They were supposed to be her Hershey's Kisses. The pig would not only run off with her kisses but also with her knight in shining armour. Life was so unfair.

Life had blessed her with eternal beauty but she had nobody to share it with. Her knight in shining armour was supposed to share her beauty with her but it turns out he loves ugly, snooty womem. What a disgrace. Maybe she couldn't blame him. After all, he was probably just scared of the radiance of her beauty. Sasuke probably thought he didn't deserve someone as beautiful and fair as her. So he had settled for a pig look alike. To Sakura that made a lot of sense.

Sakura decided to comb her long, beautiful, silky hair while she lamented over her loss. So she put her hair out of her window to comb it and, at the same time, started singing.

Sakura was so caught up in her singing that she did not notice the blond climbing her hair.

'I'm here to rescue you.'

Sakura looked at the stranger in surprise and then anger, 'Naruto, what are you doing here? Can't you see I'm in a period of mourning? Seriously, why are people so conceited and selfish?'

'No, I'm here to rescue you and then we will get married in the Ramen Store and then we'll have kids in the Ramen Store. That way our children can experience the joys of love through ramen,' Naruto exclaimed, excitement shining in his big eyes at the prospect.

Sakura took this as her cue to jump out the window. Surely, suicide was better than this.

'Don't worry, my Juliet. For I, Sir Romeo, will follow you to your death so that we can dream of ramen together.' And so Naruto plumetted after Sakura.

Luckily for the both of them, Jiraiya was passing by and was able to rescue them from the fall.

'You have really long, beautiful, silky hair,' Jiraiya remarked.

Sakura huffed in reply. She didn't need a stranger to tell her thant. Her IQ was already above average.

'I can weave your hair into rose gold if you allow me the honour of taking your hand in marriage.' Jiraiya got on his knee to propose.

'No!' Her hair was worth more than gold. More than anything the world had to offer.

'Yeah, she's mine. We're going to make ramen together so go find someone else to make ramen with,' Naruto said.

'Fine, Straw is easier to weave than hair anyways.' Jiraiya stalked away in disgruntlement.

'We are not getting married!'

'My future wife is so feisty.'

'You idio! Are you trying to take me to hell!?'

'I love you too and if you want to go to hell for our honeymoon then I'll take you there but I think heaven is supposed to be better. But if Hell is where you want to go then I'll take you there.'

Neji and Kiba had arrived. And they were not happy. 'Naruto, you're supposed to rescue Hinata not Sakura,' Neji yelled.

'Yeah, she's supposed to be your sleeping beauty,' Kiba added in anger.

Naruto huffed, 'What's the point of a woman who is only beautiful when she's sleeping. Sakura is beautiful all the time. Day and night.'

Neji, Kiba, and Sakura stared at him in amazement.

'Besides I went to go rescue Hinata. And I waited. And I waited. And I waited. I even offered to share my ramen with her. But she never woke up,' Naruto replied dejectedly before adding in a loud whisper, 'I think she's dead.'

'You idiot...' Before Kiba could findish his tirade, Sasuke returned for directions once more.

'Do you know anyone who could fit this glass shoe?'

'It's a glass slipper,' Neji pointed out.

'Who cares!' Sasuke screamed as he flung the glass slipper on the floor in frustration. Akamaru decided to try on the glass slipper. It was a perfect fit.

'Victory is mine! I no longer have to marry a woman. I can now pursue my life-long goal of being an avenger. I will avenge the Kingdom, Konoha, who stole all my faires away from me.' Sasuke walked away with a superior smirk while Neji, Kiba, Sakura, and Naruto watched in confusion.

Kisame gave off a shark-like growl to announce the arrival of Itachi. ' The Council of The Three Blind Mice have arrived to sort out the dispute that seems to have befallen the Kingdom of Shikamaru.'

'Three Blind Mice? But there is only one of you,' Kiba commented.

'The other two are busy running after the farmer's wife.' Itachi replied.

'Why?' The other four asked in unision.

'She cut off theirt tails with a carving knife.'

'So why aren't you running after her?' Naruto questioned.

'Normally I would, but I decided I looked much more handsome without a tail. More macho.' Itachi's statement was met by four blank looks.

Itach sighed before he continued, 'The Council of The Three Blind Mice has ordained that Naruto gets to marry Sakura. No complaints shall be issued against The Council of The Three Blind Mice or else you will be arrested for starting an argument with yours truly, the most handsome and bravest being to ever grace the Kingdom of Shikamaru, me.'

'But what about Hinata?' Neji asked.

'It was he who would chance the perilous journey through blistering cold and scorching desert, traveling for many days and nights, risking life and limb to reach the dragon's keep, for he was the bravest, and most handsome (but not as brave and handsome as me) in all the land, and it was destiny that his kiss would break the dreaded curse.' His name is Prince Charming. Otherwise known as Prince Shino.' (Quoted by Prince Charming form Shrek).

'The hideous woman gets a handsome Prince Charming and the beautiful Princess Sakura gets a hideous man. How does that make sense?' Kisame exclaimed.

It was he who would chance the perilous journey through blistering cold and scorching desert, traveling for many days and nights, risking life and limb to reach the dragon's keep, for he was the bravest, and most handsome in all the land, and it was destiny that his kiss would break the dreaded curse. He alone would climb to the highest room of the tallest tower to enter the princess's chambers, cross the room to her sleeping silhouette, pull back the gossamer curtains to find her...Prince Shino gasped in shock. (Quoted by Prince Charming from Shrek)

Lee was lying on the bed, flipping through a magazine, 'What?'

'Princess...Hinata?'

'No!'

'Oh thanks the Bug's Heaven! Where is she?'

'She is experiencing the fruits of life. The very joy of eternal youth. She's on her honeymoon. Now she can spread her youthful presence yonder.' Lee had tears streaming down his eyes at the thought of youthful love.

To say that Prince Shino was shocked is an understatement, 'Honeymoon. With whom?'

Hinata and Akamaru were riding off into the sunset, Hinata on top of Akamaru, while they shared Hershey's Kisses. The glass slipper that Sasuke had left with Akamaru had been a perfect fit for Hinata.

And as the saying goes, 'The one who fits the glass slipper gets the groom.'

Or dog.

King Shikamaru were watching the events unfold from his hand mirror . His hand mirror that depicted the ongoings of his entire Kingdom.

It seemed that everyone had found love in some shape or form. Everyone except for him. All he was left with was a rose that an old woman had given him as well as a curse that would only be broken once he realized that there was more to life than just sleeping.

'How troublesome.'

**_End_**

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